I often talk about mindset and how your mindset can completely change your life. Our mindset and our decisions are 80% of what contributes to our success. Over the years as I’ve worked on my mindset, it has been a life changing experience.

I still work on it every day and I have become really self aware of the decisions I am making and why I am making them. Taking notice of how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way around making a decision has had a profound impact on my life. So, in this post I want to share with you the revelation I had, in hopes it may help you or someone you know.

Why do I do that?

For a long time now I have noticed that when something or someone annoys me, I can sometimes overreact. Afterwards I’ll think to myself “Why did I do that?”. I will know when it’s happening and I’ll say to myself “Why am I doing this?”. I may be overwhelmed with something – too many plates to juggle, I am tired… There are so many reasons that could contribute to the reaction and this is where I have been questioning myself. So here are a few scenarios for you:

At the start of the year we’ve been running the Best Year Yet workshops which were amazing. I was looking at where I want to go this year and how to move forwards. I was reflecting back on how far United ArtSpace has come and it was only 18 months ago that it was just me! I did everything. Now I have a whole team of people helping me, so last year was very much about growth and creating and growing my team – something that was completely out of my comfort zone. Along with this though, a lot of fear came up.

The responsibility that comes with growing and having a team can be intense. There is constant planning to ensure I know how much I can pay them and it started to make me really anxious. It suddenly dawned on me that I was beginning to overreact to the situation. I began to paint this horrible picture in my head where I was having conversations with my team to let them go. It was crazy and I started to question why.

Now, you may have this in your life – you are so terrified of losing something you’ve created that all rational thinking can go out the window, when in reality everything is good.

The Realisation

As I was coming to this realisation, it all clicked into place. I used to have a plant called Ruby. She was always in the background of my live videos. Ruby had been with me for 35 years. I got Ruby at around the age of six to nine. I got her from a garden centre and she had been with me all these years. She had come on every house move with me, travelled the country and survived some extreme situations.

However, a few months ago she started to look a little unwell and to cut a long story short, I tried everything to keep her going but in the end the last leaf dropped off. This was only a few weeks ago. I am a little embarrassed to say I have been really struggling with it. I know it’s a plant but she had been with me through so much and she was the one thing that stayed. No matter where I was in the county or what I was doing, Ruby was there.

Again, I started to question why I was overreacting and feeling this way. When I started talking to my friend about these irrational thoughts about letting the team go and feeling the fear, she told me that she was speaking to her therapist recently who had mentioned about holding things inside ourselves. Almost like an inner child or our younger self and for some reason we can hold onto these fears which can surface as we get older.

As soon as my friend explained this, I started crying uncontrollably. Sharon had mentioned this inner child stuff to me before and I never really took much notice of it, but all of a sudden it clicked. It was like I had been taken back to a time in my life where I was a terrified young girl. I was around 12 and I ended up on the streets overnight which was so terrifying. I felt so lonely and so sad. I closed my eyes and I felt like I was back there.

This was my realisation. This uncontrollable crying was my younger self. From this moment, it’s enlightened my life. Looking back now, this younger self of mine has impacted my art for so many years and I didn’t even realise.

Self Reflection

Over the last few weeks I have done a lot of self reflection and work on how I can let that inner younger self go – having conversations with myself and just saying “It’s okay. You aren’t that person anymore and there is no reason to be scared”.

This acceptance of these feelings and where they come from has been so liberating. I am accepting a part of me. I have the fear of sharing this story but it’s been so enlightening I really felt like I needed to share it with you.

Fear will often take over without us even realizing it. You may want to start making a certain piece of art but for some reason something is holding you back. Fear is creeping in without you knowing and this irrational thinking can take over.

Remember…

Stop and reassure yourself. You are okay. You can do it and there is nothing to be afraid of. Don’t try to fix your whole mindset in one. It’s a slow process that is constantly adapting to your life and situations. Remember, you can and you will do it. It just takes time to align your mindset, so enjoy the journey!